Who am I?

"One is All, All is One"

Best anime I've ever watched.

This was a phrase I heard from Fullmetal Alchemist when I was very young.

At the time, I just thought the anime was really cool and well written, but as I grew older and learned how to be more of my own person, I remembered this specific phrase and understood it more deeply. I learned not only about how massive the world is and that other people existed in their own worlds, but also how connected everyone was. I remember realizing that, even if I don't know anything about a person, I have so much in common with them; we may have faced very similar struggles, we paid the same bills, or we even went to the same school.

Over time, this phrase became the simplest way to summarize how I thought about life. I've grown to believe that everyone is made up of a little bit of everyone else and equally makes up a little bit of everyone else. So, I think that who I am is just one personification of everything. Everything's that's happened to me, every lesson that's been taught to me, and everything anyone has ever said to me has shaped me into the person I am today, and that person is constantly gaining new bits from everywhere around me.

On top of that, I'm constantly dropping little bits of that person onto others, and they're growing based on my actions, so I try to always remember that the smallest thing I do could have a massive impact on someone, and I want that to be a positive impact.

"As you communicate with others, what roles do you play?"

(left to right) my brother, sibling, mom, and self

    As the person I am now, I try to play a positive role in the ways I communicate. In the past, I've played many roles. To my mother, I played a child growing up and my role varied widely from angry gremlin that needed to be calmed to wholesome angel that needed to be protected. 

But I know I haven't always played good roles. With my sibling, I frequently played the antagonist. We always fought when we were younger, to the point where our "best behavior" was ignoring each other.  This was before I truly practiced being empathetic towards others. I had no idea the identity crises they were facing, and I didn't care to try and understand them. I was just angry and they were someone I could take it out on.

    But today, I try to acknowledge that past and move forward from it.

Today, my sibling calls me regularly just to chat or to ask for advice; in fact, they've frequently offered me advice. I now realize that my sibling most wants familial closeness, and I think the biggest issue they had with me when we were younger was that I wanted nothing to do with them.  To both my sibling and brother now, I try to play a more supportive, brotherly role. I'm not so scared to tell them I love them, and I want to be a good brother for them. 

    As for non-family members, I still try to play a supportive role. I understand how frustrating it can feel to talk and feel like nobody's listening, so I try to be the person that always listens. I'd like to be a reliable source of listening, someone people feel comfortable talking to. Besides, I'm not great at talking, and most people seem to enjoy taking the opportunity to be able to talk, so I love providing that opportunity. 

"Who do you want to be?"

I tried to find something artsy, and this is cute enough to count!

    This is a question I've been asking myself a lot lately. I'm trying to nail down an answer that I like, but it's been a bit of a struggle. When I was younger, I thought a simple answer could be based on stuff I like. "Who am I? I'm someone who likes video games! I'm someone who plays guitar," I thought. 

As I grew older, I realized that interests come and go, so those weren't great ways to describe who I am. More recently, I decided to glance into what's persisted over my entire life. Unfortunately, that led to a lot of dwelling on past mistakes. Thankfully, that led to therapy, which has helped me move towards a more positive direction in life. Therapy, so far, has taught me that we aren't defined by any one incident, nor are we defined by who we want to be, which helped take a lot of the pressure I gave myself by looking into my past. 

    So, my past and everything around me has molded me into the person I am, but none of that defines who I am?

Confusing, right? Yeah, I think so.

I still don't have an easy or reliable answer to this, but I think the answer I'll give for now is that we aren't who we were, nor are who we will be, but we are who we are. We are who we are right now, in this moment. 

And this one. 

Right now, I am someone writing this sentence.

Right now, you are someone reading this sentence, and I am someone you (probably) have little perception of. But who we want to be can shape our actions, and what I do right now defines who I am now, but my actions tomorrow shapes who I am tomorrow.

I think this is a better answer, but maybe even a little bit more confusing:

I think I am a good person.

I think I do good things.

I think I sometimes do bad things, but I try to acknowledge those things, learn from doing those things, and use that new knowledge to do better things. 

I think I am someone I'm proud of being (even if I'm still working on the being proud part).

"I wasn't really looking for your life story..."

My pinboard!

Oh....

Well he's some random stuff about me, then.

• I'm a designer, I love creating experiences for people (not just games!)

• I'm a USAF veteran (I hated it, I felt very disappointed at the selfishness and lack of camaraderie)

• I'm a DigiPen student (at the time of writing this, I'm in the first semester of my second year)

• I was born in Texas, but have also lived in Colorado, Alaska, Ohio, North Carolina, Idaho, and now Washington

• I like nerdy stuff (duh), but some of my favorite nerdy things include:

• nerdy tattoos (I have Scar's arm tattoo on my arm)

• Spider-Man (I had a Spider-Man car!)

• video games (my favorite right now is Final Fantasy XIV)

• playing guitar (it counts as nerdy if you play songs from video games, okay?)

• I love collecting pins (like the Monster Hunter-style Poke'mon pins by RJ Palmer, Disney pins, and just any pins I find cute go on this board)

Thanks for reading!

:Dylan

Here's some extra space in case you're weird like me and like scrolling down to put what you're reading at the top of your screen!